Madam, having proceeded in a nonchalant manner along Gloucester Road into town I was deliberately and suddenly held up by two idiots. This brought on an immediate attack of (Victor) Meldrew/ (Basil) Fawlty syndrome.
Idiot One – a coach driver, had decided it was 'a good idea' that he should proceed through the town. Right up to the moment he ran into Idiot Two. Idiot Two was a delivery truck driver parked up by the Natwest. He panicked and decided the best course of action, until the third of his three brain cells stumbled into action, was to do nothing and to do it for several minutes.
Eventually the combined will of the trapped motorists spurred him on to lethargy. Was his lorry packed in the 'last in - first out' principle? No. An explosion in a spaghetti factory more like. Piles of boxes were moved hither and thither, which gave us the opportunity to admire his huge 'builder's cleavage'.
I could stand no more. On examining the coach driver's vehicle I found that he had two clear feet either side. I encouraged him to move. Obviously he would turn right, miss 'The Thing on Sticks', the Market House, and run serenely down the hill and out of the town. Oh no no no he didn't. Way better to turn left, into a piece of highway several hundred years old. You simply couldn't invent it. This took another five minutes.
Ross is blessed with a nice ring road and lots of roundabouts. Apart from fat delivery drivers there is no need for any PSV or HGV to enter the town at all. Could we have a bylaw please.
I'm quite prepared to pay bribes (sorry- expenses) We don't need leviathans in a town centre as small as this!
David Williams, Ross